How Are You Showing Up In Relationships?

Here are just a few of MANY patterns of how women can show up in relationships!

So many of us aren’t even aware of potentially life-long patterns that we continue to engage in! As you read some of the following descriptions you may wonder, “how does this pattern serve the woman?”

A very simplified explanation is that many times our patterns allow for us to have an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Basically, we feel like we NEED to be this way!

If I am being honest, I was a HUGE, screaming “Rescuer Rita” for years. I was really good at it and the people in my life and my close relationships benefited from it while I was exhausted from constantly reacting to any need or crisis that was presented to me. Many also perceived me as controlling and I had NO IDEA!
Take and peek at these examples and see which feels the most familiar to you. Maybe you see some examples of yourself in a few patterns. There are many more patterns, but I chose to highlight these 4:  

Stuck Susan

You may feel like there’s not much you can do to really change your life. That this may be “as good as it gets” and each day may pretty much feel the same. You may be yearning for moments of pure joy and to change your life to live more congruently to your passions, but you’re not sure how. You may feel tied to a job you need financially but that you don’t love. You may have relationships in your life that you’d like to be better or even get out of, but you’re not sure that’s possible or even what to do to make them better. You may also want to end some toxic relationships, but worry what others may think of you if you do! The thought of changing your current life may feel “unknown” and that could create fear or resistance. 

Shift To Self! 

You matter and you are not STUCK if you want to and are ready for change! You are the only one who I can make this happen! The life you may feel that you can only dream of CAN be yours, trust me!

Rescuer Rita

Oh THIS WAS ME!! “Let Me Help You” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people to feel good about themselves while often neglecting their own needs and relationships. You may find value in feeling necessary to others. You may also feel like you “should” be serving others or helping them first. What can happen is that you may be neglecting your own needs, concerns and life goals.  You ARE great at helping others. You may even have others tell you how good you are to family and friends. When certain people in your life have a crisis or problem they call you. You find that this makes you feel useful and that you need to give advice and suggestions to others even though they may not always ask for it. 

Shift To Self!

Let’s be honest, you’re great at helping everyone, but it’s time for YOU! Stop the madness and allow yourself to dream your ideal life! Fill your cup first, everyone else can wait or then can find someone else to rescue them.

Victim Vicky

You often put everyone else’s needs in front of your own. You may feel tired and overwhelmed. Although you may have occasional dreams and goals you may feel that you’re too busy with everyone’s else’s schedule and expectations. Do you see yourself as powerless, hopeless, helpless? It may be challenging to accept some responsibility for current life circumstances and you may feel that you don’t have the power to change your circumstances. You may have a difficult time making decisions, solving problems, finding pleasure in life or understanding certain self-perpetuating behaviors. Do you feel like no one understands how hard it can be in this life, they just don’t get it!! Your kids, family and others expect so much from you and you may not get a lot in return. Do you feel like you don’t know how to change your circumstances or if it’s even possible to change them? 

Shift to Self!

You are the most important person in your life and it’s time you knew that! You have choices and you have power. You are worth so much more than you may be giving yourself credit for. You have the power to change your life and make it what you want!

Boundaries In Place Brenda

You may feel like your managing your life well for the most part. You feel comfortable no to others when what they’re asking you for doesn’t fit into your schedule or life. You may have either separated yourself from toxic relationships or you have learned to set relationship limits and boundaries that you’re proud of. You may have just become aware of how far you’ve come or maybe you’ve always been this way. Either way, you’re likely living your best life in at least one area of your life or feel like you’re on your way there. It’s important that you continue to grow and put yourself first. You’re on track, but you can’t do it on your own! 

Shift To Self!

A coach, tribe or a therapist will help you continue on your path. I believe that no one can do it alone!


Are you tired of feeling stuck? Ready for a change?

I can help!